Preparing for the Empty Nest While Children are Young
Filed under: Being a Stay at Home Mom, Families, Parenting Skills, Strengthening Families & Marriages
I remember the day I realized the parenting stage of my life was nearly over. I was at my computer, writing when I became aware I had been working for several hours without having been needed by anyone. My oldest was at work,
Wherever He Leads Me
my middle child was taking some college classes, and my youngest, the only one I was still homeschooling, was teaching himself something I didn’t know. I realized my children were what I had intended them to be—on their own, even though they were all living at home for the moment.
I sat quietly and wondered what I was going to do with myself when homeschooling was completely over and my children were out of the house. I didn’t have to wonder for very long. A few weeks later I was offered a book contract. This contract was the fulfillment of instructions given to me by my pediatrician soon after the birth of my first child.
He said that although it would seem like the children would be young forever, they would soon grow up and not want my full attention. He cautioned me to keep up with hobbies and interests, even if I only had fifteen minutes a day to spend on them. I needed something in place for the day they became teenagers or adults and I was on my own. To this end, I continued to write. I discontinued my freelance career when I began homeschooling, due to time constraints, but I learned how to build websites and wrote about homeschooling. I also wrote a column for an online magazine. These were what led to the offer of a writing contract at the critical moment.
We all had hobbies and interests before we became so busy with children. Often, as we are busy with little ones, a longing flits across our minds of something we wish we could do, but are too busy to tackle. The problem is that after a while, those longings and hobbies become so far in the past we forget them. Mothers get so busy, they sometimes lose who they are beyond the role of a parent.
Motherhood is a wonderful career, and deserves priority in our schedule. Mormon beliefs teach that it is the most critical of all careers for women. M. Russell Ballard, an apostle for the Mormons, taught:
“I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a parent’s life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child’s life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent’s normal life. It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes.” (See M. Russell Ballard, “Daughters of God,” Ensign, May 2008, 108–10.)
Motherhood is seldom, as I learned eventually, the best time to launch a demanding career or to devote countless hours to our hobbies. It is a brief and extraordinary season in a woman’s life and should always have priority on our time without resentment or impatience, because it’s a joyful time.
However, there will come a time when motherhood as a full-time job ends, and we need to be ready for that so we aren’t following our teenagers around every moment and even our grown and out of the nest children. Every mother can find fifteen minutes to maintain contact with a hobby or potential career without neglecting her children.
One way to do this is to continue reading and studying in our chosen areas. While we rock a sleeping baby, we can read a book on history or writing or whatever our passion might be. We can read while we oversee homework that doesn’t need much attention. We can create a reading time each day at home where everyone reads. This encourages your children to read while allowing you time to do so yourself.
When I first launched my professional writing career, I did so by getting up at four AM each day to write until my family arose at six AM. For a night person, this was not easy, but it allowed me to write when I was fresh and without taking time from anyone else. I stopped when I began needing that time to prepare lesson plans.
Another way to stay in touch with your grown-up interests is to use them in your parenting. Do you love gardening? Teach your children to garden. If you love to write or paint, teach it to your children. All of you can do these things together. Mothers who love science can enhance their child’s education by doing science experiments at home and parents who are passionate about history can take their children to historical sites and tell them exciting stories about the places they are visiting. You aren’t taking any time at all away from your children, and in fact, are making your family time more valuable.
I had someone point out to me once that if I wrote a single page each day, I’d have written a book at the end of one year. While I didn’t want the stress of freelancing while I was homeschooling, I wrote books for the fun of it. It was good practice and I learned to write my single page very quickly. Since I wasn’t going to publish them, I experimented with new techniques and tried things I wouldn’t have tried were I writing to please a potential publisher. In the same way, you can practice your passion a few minutes each day so you’re ready when the time comes to give it a priority.
Keep a list of the someday dreams that flit through your head. When the children are grown and you ask yourself what is next, pull out the list and choose something from it. If you can keep the dreams on your list without resenting the time it takes to get started, they can give you a way to enjoy the next stage of your life.
Finally, keep your relationship with your spouse alive. There will be a time when every conversation won’t need to be about parenting. Make sure you still have topics to discuss and traditions you enjoy as a couple. The Mormons teach couples to have a weekly date night, which keeps the marriage strong and gives it a foundation for the empty nest years.
Make a point of preparing for and enjoying each stage of life. Each one has blessings attached. The empty nest is neither better or worse than any other stage: it’s simply another stop on life’s adventure.
What Parents’ Prayers Teach Children
Filed under: Children's Needs, Parenting Skills
There is an old saying that the family that prays together stays together. Prayer certainly has great power to bring families closer together and it also has the power to teach children many great and important truths.
Imagine for a moment that a child who is kneeling with his family in prayer hears his mother telling Heavenly Father about a trial the family is facing. He then listens as she asks God to give them courage to face the trial and the wisdom to make the proper choices. Finally, he hears her express her faith in God’s presence and love as they go through the trial, and her sure knowledge that God will help them.
What lessons has the child learned from this prayer? He learns that his mother has faith in God. She trusts God to help them. He also learns that she plans to make her decisions for handling the trial by listening to God’s advice. He discovers she is not afraid because she isn’t handling the trial alone. All of these lessons go directly into a child’s heart. Without a parental sermon, the child has received an eternally significant lesson in the power of prayer and in God’s love and guidance. He will be able to draw on these critical lessons when he faces his own trials. Later, the mother can explain that in her private prayers, and in the prayers she and the child’s father have together, they will ask God for guidance and remain on their knees, waiting for an answer. This opens up opportunity for the child to ask how they will know what the answer is, and for the parents to share their testimony that God always answers prayers.
Imagine children listening as their father says the family prayer. They hear their father express his love for his children and for his wife. As he tells God the good things his wife brings to the family, the children learn to respect their mother and her role. When the son grows up, he will search for such a wife, and he will treat his own wife with the love and respect he learns as he listens to his father pray. The daughter will learn what a good wife and mother is and will also seek out a man who respects her as much as her father respects her mother. While they must also see this love and respect in action each day, the prayer puts into words what they may have seen, but not paid attention to or understood.
When parents pray, children can hear and feel their parents’ testimonies of the Savior and learn what parts of the gospel and of their lives their parents cherish and honor. These lessons stay in their heart because they come at a time when the children are feeling the spirit and prepared for eternal truths. These lessons are more effective than mere lectures from parents, which may seem contrived and “good for you.” Prayer is the heart’s conversation with God, and so it is a powerful way to teach the gospel to children.
Being Refined in an Unrefined Society
Filed under: Children's Needs, Education, Family Home Evenings, Family Outings, Gospel Centered Marriages, Home Management, Parenting Skills, Personal Development, Problem Solving Skills, Prophets' Words
It seems nearly every day there is something else astonishing in the news–most of it bad or repugnant. Short of hiding our heads in the sand or hibernating in a cave until the Second Coming, we will be faced with crass or even overtly sick material in the media from time to time. What is a parent to do? How do we prepare our children for that which they will most likely see, if not already seen?
News articles in the last month have talked about teen girls texting nude photos of themselves to unsuspecting guys in their high school or middle school classes–all in the hopes the boy will want to ask them out on a date. What is a parent to do? How do we prepare our sons for these kinds of matters?
Other researchers have now said that nearly half of high school students know fellow students with porn on their cell phones. What is a parent to do? How can we help prepare our children for the onslaught of evil that now is engulfing this planet?
Talk to any social psychologist who has studied longitudinally the effects of pornography. They will speak to the chemical changes it induces in the brain. They will speak to the numbing effect it has on “right and wrong.” Pornography is not harmless “entertainment,” much as the purveyors of this “entertainment” will put forth (remember, they profit from those addicted to the stuff).
Again, what is a parent to do for their children, especially those who are young and not aware of what lurks out there in the world? I think Brigham Young’s counsel is pertinent for our children today (Brigham Young was one of the early presidents for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the official title for the Mormon church). He said:
“Learn…and be prepared for the most refined society upon the face of the earth, then improve upon this until we are prepared and permitted to enter the society of the blessed–the holy angels that dwell in the presence of God” (Journal of Discourses 16:77).
It’s a funny thing about magnetic attraction. Heard the saying, “Like attracts like”? Building a refined family will help shape refined children. Refined children will be more likely to be drawn toward refined literature, activities, and endeavors. They will be more likely to shun that which is crass, vulgar, or rude.
How do we build refinement in our children? Again, Brigham Young gave this counsel:
“Our education should be such as to improve our minds and fit us for increased usefulness; to make us of greater service to the human family, to enable us to stop our rude methods of living, speaking, and thinking” (The Prophets Have Spoken, Vol 1, p 626).
Brigham Young wasn’t just speaking about grade school and high school years when he spoke of education; he was speaking of our lifelong journey on this earth.
As parents we can set the example of refined living and education (that which we learn from) by what we choose to watch, what we choose to wear, what we choose to read, and so on. The more refined we are, the more likely our children will follow suit. And the better equipped they will be to handle the vulgarities of the world!
When Bad Things Happen to Good People
Filed under: Anger Management, Children's Needs, Gospel Centered Marriages, Parenting Skills, Personal Development, Prophets' Words
My daughter asked me yesterday, with great concern in her young voice, why bad things had to happen to good people. She was thinking of the people in Burma (Myanmar) and in China with the recent, horrific events they’re experiencing.
I thought of what a deep question this was and indeed, a question that has been asked by people and individuals off and on throughout the history of the world.
I am not a philosopher by trade. In fact, the first two times I attempted to take a required Philosophy class in college, I dropped the class both times; the thinkings were deep and difficult to follow. But because I couldn’t graduate without the class, I finally tried a third time. This time, the newest professor actually made sense and his overall enthusiasm soon moved me to a spot where Philosophy became my favorite subject.
But this still doesn’t mean I can answer deep philosophical questions the same way a true professional “Philosopher” would. In fact, at dictionary.com the definitions of the term “philosophy” are multiple (how ironic this is — even within the definition there are different approaches and answers about this one word!).
One definition is: “the rational investigation of the truths and principles of being, knowledge, or conduct.” Another definition is “the critical study of the basic principles and concepts of a particular branch of knowledge, esp. with a view to improving or reconstituting them: the philosophy of science.”
But one of the final definitions mentioned really struck me: “a system of principles for guidance in practical affairs.” And it is from this perspective that I want to write today.
As rhetorical as some people could get about “why bad things happen to good people”, all of that rhetoric doesn’t help soothe the anguish of the moment experienced by individuals suffering through severe times, such as those people in Burma or in China with the cyclone or earthquake (respectively).
But Jesus Christ does speak to this suffering. First of all, He knows of what He speaks. He, who bled from every pore in the Garden of Gethsemane, knows of suffering. He knows of anguish. For He carried it all so that He might know how to succor God’s children. And here is what He said,
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29).
I may not have all the philosophical answers to the difficult questions of the world, but I know Someone who does. I testify that He does lift burdens and answer unanswerable questions. All we need do is turn to Him.
Here is more information about Jesus Christ and some of the answers He provides to some of the more unanswerable questions of this life.
Each One Has the Responsibility
Filed under: Children's Needs, Couple Needs, Gospel Centered Marriages, Parenting Skills, Personal Development, Prophets' Words
I’ve been studying recently in an instructional booklet put out by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon church because of our belief and use of The Book of Mormon). The instructional booklet is called Improving Gospel Teaching. It is a guide to improve gospel teaching moments, usually in the classroom but also in all other locations.
Perhaps it should not be surprising to find so much information within the booklet about and for parents, when overall the text is essentially geared for teachers within the Church. Because after all, parents are the teachers with greatest impact upon the main body of the Church.
Here is a paragraph from the chapter “Gospel Teaching in the Church”:
“God has given His children their agency. Agency is the power to choose good or evil — to either partake of the plan of redemption or reject it.
“To be able to choose good and partake of the plan of redemption, we must learn of the Savior and the doctrines of His gospel. He has commanded, ‘Learn of me, and listen to my words’ (D&C 19:23). In response to this commandment, individual members of the Church should study the scriptures and the teachings of latter-day prophets, ponder and pray about them, and apply them in their lives” (”Gospel Teaching in the Church,” Improving Gospel Teaching, p. 1).
What a simple path this lays out for us as parents — to teach our children to:
- Study the scriptures,
- Study the teachings of the latter-day prophets,
- Ponder and pray about them,
- and Apply them in our lives.
Yet these things are not likely to happen consistently for our families if we as parents do not lay out a plan to achieve them. That’s when I began thinking about my family’s daily activities. First, am I carving out time each day for family scripture study? It need not be hard, scripture study need not be lengthy, it need not be complicated. It simply needs to happen. The word of God can be read for free online or can be inexpensively purchased. How we obtain our books of scripture does not matter as much as making sure we do and then read daily from them.
Second, what about studying the word of God through His living prophets? This could be a great Sunday afternoon activity as a family to visit this link to hear the modern prophets speak — even if it were only one discourse a week!
Third, have I carved a simple time out of my day to ponder and pray on these things I’ve read? Have I done the same for my family? A family that prays together stays together, or so the saying goes. Why not start each day with family prayer, everyone kneeling and one person offering their thanks, praises and requests of God? And then end the day each evening the same way. There is a sweet spirit that enters family life for each family who pursues this activity. The Lord waits to bless us and quickly responds to requests for His aid.
Following through with these first three steps mentioned above ensures that we are in the process of applying God’s words in our lives. And what transformations begin to happen! I’ve seen it in the lives of others; I’ve felt it in my own family’s life. As Elder Bruce R. McConkie, a previous apostle for the Mormon church, said:
“Each person must learn the doctrines of the gospel for himself. No one else can do it for him. Each person stands alone where gospel scholarship is concerned; each has access to the same scriptures and is entitled to the guidance of the same Holy Ghost; each must pay the price set by a divine Providence if he is to gain the pearl of great price” (Doctrines of the Restoration: Sermons and Writings of Bruce R. McConkie, ed. Mark L. McConkie [1989], 234).
Truly each one has the responsibility to learn of God and of His manifest goodness. And what a joy it is as a parent to be the guide for our children in that process! Here is a quick and easy link to free online scriptures. Enjoy reading them with your family and enjoying the pearl of great price the Lord has given us to sustain us through our days on earth!
Home – The Central Place
Filed under: Children's Needs, Gospel Centered Marriages, Parenting Skills, Problem Solving Skills
This title, “Home – The Central Place,” caught my eye. I was reading in an instructional booklet put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (casually called the Mormons). The booklet was called “Improving Gospel Teaching: A Leader’s Guide.” Published in 1998, it contains much information under these various headings:
- Gospel Teaching in the Church,
- Leader Support of Teachers,
- Teacher Improvement Meetings,
- and the “Teaching the Gospel” Course.
But it was while I was reading in this booklet that I saw the sub-title, “Home: The Central Place.” Actually, the full title was/is “Home: The Central Place for Learning and Teaching the Gospel.” The entire title caught my attention, because I realized with great strength how true that saying is.
Imagine a child that goes to church and hears that Jesus taught we should love one another, yet the child returns home and is hit by his parents. Imagine a child that goes to church and hears that we should be honest, yet goes home and sees his parent keeping too much change the store clerk unknowingly gave. Imagine that same child hearing God’s truth that the Sabbath day is holy, yet sees his parents hosting a raucous party on Sunday for the Super Bowl.
Yet on the reverse, imagine that same child (instead) hearing during Sunday services about loving one another and returning home to hear his mother say, “Son, you matter to me,” accompanied by a big hug. Picture that child hearing in Sunday services the value of honesty and the next day, he sees his father returning the overage in change a store clerk unknowingly gave. And just imagine a child returning home after a Sunday School lesson on the 10 Commandments with the importance of Sabbath day observance, and his parents actually spend time with the family that evening studying the word of God.
In reviewing these scenarios, I realized yet again just how important a statement the title was: “Home – The Central Place for Learning and Teaching the Gospel.” In fact, here is a quote from that very section:
The family is ordained of God. It is central to His plan. He has established families to bring happiness to His children, to help them learn the gospel in a loving atmosphere, and to prepare them for eternal life. The home is the most important place to teach, learn, and apply gospel principles (see Mosiah 4:14-15; D&C 68:25-28).
Parents should thoughtfully plan and hold family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and other family activities. They should do all they can to make good use of these teaching opportunities (”Gospel Teaching in the Church,” Improving Gospel Teaching, p 1).
While reading this quote, I of course had to face my own parenting skills, approaches, and moments. It is imperative that I make sure I provide the proper atmosphere and environment for my children in their gospel understanding and growth.
As President Spencer W. Kimball said, “Home is where we become experts and scholars in gospel righteousness” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 129). May we seek these kinds of things for our own families!
For more information on building the family and finding joy therein, feel free to visit the Church’s Provident Living website where you will find help to strengthen your marriage, to strengthen your family, and even information of support groups for those seeking to overcome addictions.
Protecting the Children
Filed under: Children's Needs, Gospel Centered Marriages, Parenting Skills, Personal Development
In this world that is drenched with sexual images and commodities, what is a parent to do to strengthen their child (and even themselves) against this onslaught? It is a rampant problem, one that appears to be worsening.
My husband a few years back attended a conference for mental health counselors and psychologists. The focus of the conference was helping clients overcome pornography addiction. During the lectures and workshops of the conference, my husband learned many important things to help those he counsels with sexual addiction issues. But one of the most startling facts shared at the conference was the new target market for porn companies are the 7- to 12- year-olds! Nothing beautiful, “artistic,” nor entertaining about that!
This fact was shocking to me. It is more than appalling. I don’t know how those who work for that industry face themselves in the mirror each morning. Most historians will tell you that a country that immerses itself in sexual promiscuity eventually self-destructs, whether internally or through external stronger forces.
My husband also shared with me that an additional report stated that the original funding for picture-capable cell phones came from pornography companies. And it makes sense (at least to them); pornography can be so addicting that if you bring porn to the young, they become the porn companies’ customers for a lifetime.
So in the midst of all of this, what is a parent to do? Here are three suggestions:
1. Understand What Pornography Is.
Here is a simple definition of “pornography”:
“Pornography is any material depicting or describing the human body or sexual conduct in a way that arouses sexual feelings.”
Regardless if some people call it art or entertainment, this definition of pornography could not be clearer!
2. Understand the Lord’s Perspective On Pornography.
The Lord speaks to us through his servants and prophets (see Amos 3:7). Elder Richard G. Scott clearly states:
“Whether it be through the printed page, movies, television, obscene lyrics, the telephone, or on a flickering personal computer screen, pornography is overpoweringly addictive and severely damaging” (”The Sanctity of Womanhood,” Ensign, May 2000, 36-38).
Our most recent prophet President Gordon B. Hinckley, prior to his death, said:
“Stay away from pornography as you would a serious disease. It is as destructive” (”Living Worthy of the Girl You Will Someday Marry,” Ensign, May 1998, 49-51).
Links are also listed below for these two powerful discourses from God’s servants. They provide a start to help understand the Lord’s perspective and rationale on the dangers of pornography.
3. Make Use of Fasting, Scriptures Study, Prayer and Service.
As we work with our children, it is essential we arm them with the very real and effective tools of Fasting, Scripture Study, Prayer, and Service. We can help them find their power to overcome anything when they (and we) make use of these aids given us from God.
4. Get Help When Stuck.
A friend once told me that only the strong seek help. His comment stuck in my mind and has continued to register through the years. Truly, those who care will seek aid when they are struggling with anything, for they recognize the possibility of a brighter day. Church leaders are there to help anyone who struggles. The church has set up its own gentle 12-step program to help those who find themselves in the clutches of sexual addictions. The world is so much brighter when we are free of the chains Satan would bind us with.
It is urgent, given the conditions in the world today, to help our children understand the importance of getting help with struggling with anything, even (and especially) pornography. Because at times, experiences will broadside us when we least expect it. My husband, through counseling many clients, now has the perspective that most people on this earth will at some time or another be faced with a pornographic image. That’s when we immediately turn off the computer, walk away, and immerse ourselves in the things of the Spirit to renew our souls.
We can help our children find joy in this world as we follow the Lord’s plan and keep ourselves free from the entanglements that some would like to ensnare us with!
Additional Resources:
“You Can’t Pet a Rattlesnake,” David E. Sorenson, Ensign, May 2001, 41.
“Living Worthy of the Girl You Will Someday Marry,” Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, May 1998, 49.
“Breaking the Chains of Pornography,” Ensign, Feb 2001, 55.
“Strengthening Marriage: A Resource Guide for Couples,” www.providentliving.org.
Addiction Recovery Support Groups, www.providentliving.org
Follow the Map
Filed under: Children's Needs, Gospel Centered Marriages, Parenting Skills, Prophets' Words
I love the scriptures. Some days they are the only things that brings me peace. I particularly enjoy the Old Testament, as odd as that sounds. Even though it is a loooong book of scripture, the stories within it are rich and instructive.
Generally speaking, the first five books of the Old Testament are sometimes known as “the law” or the books of Moses. These books are Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. They address the Creation of the world all the way through Moses’ instruction to the Israelites after they fled Pharaoh in Egypt.
The next section of the Old Testament is often known as “the history” portion of the Old Testament. These books are Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1 Samuel, 2 Samuel, 1 & 2 Kings, 1 & 2 Chronicles, Ezra, Nehemiah, and Esther. In fact, if you want to read the Old Testament quickly, simply read 1 & 2 Chronicles. This is a concise summary of the history of the ancient Israelites boiled down into two summary books called 1 and 2 Chronicles.
The next section has been sometimes called “the wisdom literature” of the Old Testament. These are the books of Job, Psalms, Proverbs and Ecclesiastes. The rest of the Old Testament (other than Song of Solomon) are records of specific prophets that are not in any chronological order, but are from different historical parts of ancient Israelites’ experiences: Isaiah, Jeremiah (and his book of Lamentations), Ezekiel, Daniel, Hosea, Joel, Amos, Obadiah, Jonah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah, and Malachi.
All of this creates a pathway or a map for us to follow. And it is an important map for our children to be familiar with, for what befell the Israelites befalls all people who forget their God and leave His protecting care and insist on living dangerous lifestyles (did you know that the ancient Israelites turned to killing their infants during pagan ceremonies? No wonder the Lord decreed certain consequences for their behavior!).
Today I was reading in Obadiah. The Lord gave him a vision and a direct message for the ancient Israelites who insisted on going after false gods and false practices. Here are the Lord’s words given through His prophet Obadiah to the Israelites:
“The pride of thine heart hath deceived thee, thou…whose habitation is high; that saith in his heart, Who shall bring me down to the ground? (Obadiah 1:3).” The Lord soon enough did bring them down to the ground, for their sakes, to attempt to keep them from self-destructing.
So often as I see other peoples’ choices in today’s world, rather than judge them, I sorrow and I wonder about myself. Are there any dangerous pieces of pride within me leading me on, as Obadiah mentions? For truly we learn from his clear “map” that pride leads us into paths where we can be deceived and wherein we deceive ourselves.
Obadiah also mentions many other mistakes on the part of these ancient Israelites; for example, they cold-heartedly looked on–without helping other Israelites–during the demise of those in Jerusalem. The Lord noted their many grievous choices and simply said, “…As thou hast done, it shall be done unto thee” (Obadiah 1:15).
Indeed, there are many rich stories amongst the Old Testament that create a sure and steady map or pathway for me to help teach my own children the way to peace and the way to God Himself. If you would like to explore the Old Testament yourself, feel free to explore these free online scriptures!
When Kids Falter (or Fail)
What do we do as parents when our kids stray farther and farther away from gospel principles and safe living? What do we do if they fail to protect themselves and instead insist on striking out toward risky terrains?
I was reading today in 2 Kings and the lessons there are so instructive, especially for parents who cry at night because of a child’s (or children’s) choices.
The book of 2 Kings in the Old Testament contains a sobering history about two segments of the ancient Jews: the kingdom of Israel and the kingdom of Judah. Very few of the kings for either kingdom were righteous, neither were the inhabitants. The citizens followed their kings’ choices and sought after pagan rituals, some even participating in infant and human sacrifice.
The Lord (obviously) found these practices revolting. As a result, He used prophets to warn the Israelites and those of the kingdom of Judah to mend their ways. But both groups apparently liked living a lascivious lifestyle, for they continually sought after it.
The Lord waited centuries, patiently giving them chance after chance. Finally, though, He allowed a frightening Assyrian army to sweep in, destroying the one kingdom (the Israelite one) and scatter it; the other kingdom He preserved, due to a rare and righteous king (king Hezekiah for the kingdom of Judah). In fact, those in Judah were spared for quite some time – as long as righteous choices were made.
Unfortunately Hezekiah died and his son began to rule in wickedness, again setting up pagan places of ceremony and initiating sacrifice again. But wait two generations and the story does become brighter – eight-year-old Josiah becomes king. And for me, Josiah holds instructive keys on how to rule a kingdom (or a household, for that matter).
Josiah did not care about being popular. He cared about what was right. He did not care about deeply established tradition. He cared about God’s laws. As a result, he cast down all pagan places of worship. He did that “which was right in the sight of the Lord,…” (2 Kings 22:2). He also began to clean up the old temple site of the Lord’s. He began to rebuild its walls. He oversaw it being cleaned out. As a result, he came across an ancient book. A book of scripture. THE book of the law as given to Moses. And he read it.
What he found there so troubled him that he called all the people to gather “concerning the words of this book that is found: for great is the wrath of the Lord that is kindled against us, because our fathers have not hearkened unto the words of this book, to do according unto all that which is written concerning us” (2 Kings 22:13).
There are several simple principles Josiah teaches us. First, he did not care about tradition when it was a bad tradition. This translates for us today. As parents, we follow in Josiah’s wisdom when we say to our children, “Just because others are doing it does not imply it is wise … or safe.” These kinds of responses provide important principles our children need to hear when they say, “But MOOOOOMMMMMMM, Sally is doing it!” Again, Josiah did not care about tradition when it was a bad “tradition.”
Second, Josiah took great care to reconstruct the temple of God. Sometimes in our parenting, we may have let some of the “walls” of our spiritual places get run down (i.e. scripture study time, family prayer, personal prayer). But no problem! When we follow Josiah’s example, we simply get busy repairing the breaches and strengthening the walls to these important spiritual structures in our daily lives.
Third, because Josiah took the time to reconstruct the things of God, he received additional blessings and strength. For him, that strength came in finding a long forgotten book, something he could rely on to correct and chasten the people as necessary. For us as parents, as we increase our connection to the things of God, it will simplify our parenting. We can simply reference the Lord’s ways while teaching our children (of course, this implies we are living those ways ourselves). Thus we can say to an upset child, “Honey, I know you’re angry. But because I love Heavenly Father and trust His wisdom, we really do need to do things this way [referencing whatever the standard is].” Indeed, because Josiah took time to reconstruct the things of God (i.e. the temple for him, but for us it might the standards of God-like living), he received additional strength to face the day (i.e. for him it came in the literal form of finding a book of scripture, but for us it might come in the actual presence of the Spirit to strengthen us as we parent).
Fourth, Josiah used the scriptures as THE standard of behavioral clarification and judgment. We can do this too. And how wonderfully clarifying this is. It simplifies our job as parents. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve shared with my kids, “Guys, this is something the Lord has clearly spoken against. I cannot allow this in my home.” Again, Josiah set a great pattern here. He read the scriptures, or the “book of the law”, to his people. As parents we need to set aside family scripture study so that law may begin to pervade the hearts of all family members.
Sometimes family life is messy. The way is not easy cleaning up that mess. But learning about the ancient men (and women) in the scriptures can sure be a God-send to those of us facing our own challenges today. I’m so grateful for Josiah and how he was willing to face down dangerous traditions, to reconstruct the places of spirituality, to accept additional blessings, and to use the scriptures as a standard. As we do the same, coupling all actions with prayer, the Lord will help inspire us to help our children by correcting their ways in loving truth and eternal standards.
To learn of additional ways to strengthen your family through Jesus Christ and His ways, visit the new Jesus Christ, The Son of God site.
What Matters Most is What Lasts Longest
Elder M. Russell Ballard, an Apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, spoke two years ago on the topic, “What Matters Most is What Lasts Longest.” Click on the link above to read the full talk. As I read his talk, it struck a chord.
So often as we’re parenting our children, we get hung up on things that don’t last very long and probably aren’t very important – i.e. if our son didn’t scrub under his nails or our daughter doesn’t wash her hair often enough. These are important activities, true. Good personal hygiene is a lovely thing!
But sometimes as parents we become frustrated and angry in ways that aren’t needful. If we’re not careful, one day we might lose the opportunity to correct this. Elder Ballard spoke of his experience when he visited displaced victims of Hurricane Katrina. Listen to this:
“Their stories and situations are tragic and poignant in many ways, but in all that I heard, what touched me the most was the crying out for family: ‘Where is my mother?’ ‘I can’t find my son.’ ‘I’ve lost a sister.’ These were hungry, frightened people who had lost everything and needed food, medical attention, and help of all kinds, but what they wanted and needed most was their families” (Elder M. Russell Ballard, “What Matters Most Is What Lasts Longest,” Ensign, Nov. 2005, 41)
I read this and thought of the truthfulness of this thought. One can see this born out at airports, in fact. Suddenly everyone seems to love each other – for in saying goodbye, one often realizes what they will soon be missing.
So as parents, what can we do to correct hasty, angry, sour moments with our children? Here are a few thoughts.
First, we can love more verbally. I have heard it said that a child hears one positive comment for every seventeen negative comments. Perish the thought! No wonder children as they grow often turn to peers to have their needs met. Indeed, as parents we do NOT need to bend our rules. But we do need to love verbally more often and better. We need to catch our kids doing all the good things they do – and express gratitude over it. Why wait till a potential funeral when they’re dead and it’s too late?
Second, we can love more physically. Why not spend fifteen minutes tossing a ball back and forth – or spending the last few minutes of the day giggling or reading a story together. I’ve heard it said, “The family that laughs together stays together.” And it is true. Families that have fun together seem to weather the storms of life better.
Finally, we can love the Lord more. This is for both individuals and as a family. When children see parents serving God and reading their scriptures and praying, the children will learn to do the same. The result will be a family that draws closer because they are based on the things of God.
Why wait for a devastation such as Hurricane Katrina to wake us up to the people living in our own homes and how terrific they are? Why wait till saying goodbye at an airport or a funeral to then say nice things to or about each other? Let’s start today making a difference in the hearts and lives of those we love by loving them more verbally, physically, and spiritually.
To read the rest of Elder Ballard’s talk, click here. To learn additional ways to strengthen your family, feel free to visit the Provident Living website. Families will last for a long time – even an eternity – if we just treat them right!